“The Egg Rolls”

     Judy was a client of mine who as best I can describe was a stocky, weathered, no-nonsense country grandma. She was as nice as can be, but unless she was smiling she always seemed to have a perpetual “I’ll beat you down if you look at me sideways” scowl on her face. Plus she had gotten to that age when some women just don’t give a flip anymore. They’ve put up with enough B.S. over the years & they just say whatever is on their minds (regardless of the Southern manners their Momma’s taught them), if you know what I mean?

     As I was doing her nails one day, she recounted this story to me about how she loved this certain brand of egg rolls, but her local grocery store had stopped carrying them. She hunted around town until she found another store that carried them & as luck would have it, she also found some coupons for the egg rolls in the local paper, too.

     So one day on her lunch break she drove over to the poorer section of town where this other store was located, just to get her favorite egg rolls. As she was standing in this very long line, she notices that there’s only 1 register open. As the line slowly moved along, she can hear the young clerk apologizing to the customers while ringing up their products. Apparently the other employees were all on their lunch breaks, leaving her as the sole lane open.

     Judy said that the line grew even longer behind her & she could hear people sighing with frustration. One white dude was talking on his cell phone, a Mexican man was just standing in line looking around, some other random white woman was behind the Mexican man, while 2 black girls at the back of the line were talking loudly about how “this was bullshit”, “why was this taking so long” & how the “store needed to open up another register“, etc. etc.

    Finally it was Judy’s turn & the young clerk apologized for the delay as she hurriedly rang up all of Judy’s many egg roll boxes. The poor girl was sweating & moving as fast as she could because she knew the people in line were getting annoyed. When Judy was told her final grocery bill, that’s when she realized she had forgotten to give her the coupons!

     So Judy apologized & quickly was digging the coupons out of her purse as the clerk was probing buttons on the register to re-ring her order, when one of the black chicks from the back of the line said VERY loudly “Oh, sure…. NOW miss WHITE ass is using COUPONS”!

    Judy looked up at the clerk & said “No she just did not just say that, did she?” & the clerk darted her eyes away as she rang up the coupons. Everybody in line got quiet, as if all the air was sucked out of the room. Judy turned around to face the people in line, looked straight at the 2 girls at the back of the line & said equally loudly “Oh sure….and MISS black ass is probably using FOOD STAMPS!”

     Someone let out a gasp & the one black girl turned to her friend & busted out laughing saying “Giiirrrllll…YOU got TOLD!” And with that nobody said another word as Judy paid for her egg rolls & left the store.

get over it


50 Shades of Grey……

Actually, I’ve never read the book. I picked it up once, leafed thru it, & read 2 paragraphs. That was as far as I got before I put it back on the shelf. Not because I was scandalized or morally offended by the S&M/B&D material, but because the dialogue was horrible (IMHO). It read like a high school sophomore wrote it! The wording had all the flow of nail polish running uphill. That’s when I thought “Crud, I could do better than that”. And here we are.

But you’ve got to admit it has a catchy title that’s recognized everywhere, so why re-invent the wheel? Plus I have more than 50 shades of nail polish, as most nail techs do. I’ve been a nail tech for over 25+ years & as techs we see/hear/meet some unique (aka off the wall freakin’ crazy) people in the course of our profession. Over the years I’ve documented many of my memories before I got too old & feeble to remember them. My intention was to write a book, but with the advent of blogs……. why bother with a book?

Let me preface this by saying this is MY blog, with MY opinions, & MY life experiences. I do not claim to speak for anyone else. Let me emphasize that I WILL NOT be shamed into retracting what YOU feel is not the ‘politically correct’ thing to say. If you read something you don’t like, click the delete button, move on & skip to the next blog.

I’ll be ‘keeping it real’, in my own voice, with my own style of writing…..which means that if foul language, nudity, sexual situations or violence bothers you….then do NOT read any further. This blog is not for you.

Likewise if you are offended by my religion, faith, grace, God, Jesus, forgiveness, love, morals, & spiritual beliefs…. then this is NOT the right blog for you either!

Everyone else is welcome to enjoy it. These stories are true snapshots of my life…..the good, the bad, & the ugly people I’ve met along the way. The names have been changed to protect the guilty (or innocent) & I’ll try to keep true to the circumstances as I remember them. What was it that Mark Twain once said….”Never let the truth get in the way of a good story” I think?

Anyway, maybe some of you might be helped by the lessons I’ve learned along the way or at the very least be thoroughly entertained.